General Forum

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The subway car was packed. It was rush hour, and many people were forced to stand. One particularly cramped woman turned to the man behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing, I'm going to the cops!"

"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check in my pocket."

"Oh really," she spat. "Then you must have some job, because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour!"

A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away.
He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

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i don't know what pics members like in 'not so shy'.help me plzzzzzz.write date and time of pic.tx

If Jack was stuck on a horse....would you help Jack off the horse?

Most people think-love is a wonderful thing
No it is not-it is the most complicated situation of human race
We can make it simple-by sexual encounters-dont forget
Love is bad, Sex is good-let me explain
Love is destructive for both sides-it brings weakness and makes people vulnurable. Sex is easy and makes people happy-sex brings freedom,self esteem and joy and longevity to life.
Love is associated with death and gloom-sex is associated with nature and life.
Love is morbid and stressul-sex is humorous and easy going-Love is a game for fools-sex is a game for smart people-Sex is like earning money-love is like losing money-Love is wasting energy-sex is exchanging energy-Love is sleepless nights-sex is sweet dreams
Love is chasing-sex is locating-Love is solitude-sex is a party with large circles of friends-Love requires commitment and chastity-sex requires friendship and reminiscene

-Hasan Ali Tokuqin

I know this girls ... it's swindler! They want only money .

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From: freeda Reply New Message
Answer the question! 20/Nov/2006 13:28 (GMT)

Guys, how do you want i improve my shows?

hmmm--i just got this in from mail:
"Dateline Congress"
A new bill has been introduced....that taxes sex with unmarried partners...each month, a detailed report (which includes cc chatting in private on cam)..must be filed by all single people... with the newlt formed.. (DST) Department Of Sex Taxation!!!
Talk in the Senate and the House....predict that it will be swiftly approved...especially now that the elections have changed..the balance of power in our government!!!!
All acts of sex (and yes including on here in cc)...protected and unprotected will be taxed....except for oral sex,,,which since 1996 is no longer...considered sex (Bill Clinton clause)
Viagra users will save 15% on their car insurance!!!!

hmmm--the way i read this is i can still have oral sex from you girls, and i need to get married than this would not apply to me and than start taking those viagra pills which i would really need than when married and save on my car insurance..mmmm-what a country, im proud to be a american.

Other Countries Please Dont Take This The Wrong Way-Im Trying to be Thankful during our Thanksgiving Holidays and for all Americans to be happy and live in Peace--For you that live in other countries just read along and you can substitute where it says "In America" with your country.

Each blade of grass-And every stretch of rode-
Everywhere you set foot-
Is America
The home in which you build-Whether on mountain or ocean-
Whether hall or hut-
Is America
Each Olympic game you see-Every election you vote in-
Every NASCAR race you watch-
Is America
Each of mom's apple pies-Each Burger King burger-
Every spot of property you claim-
Is America
Every bus stop-Every truck stop-
Every tolibooth-
Is America
Every slack jawed hick-Every movie hunk-
Every Paris Hilton-
Is America
Every kegger party-Every hangover morning-
Every stupid thing on TV-
Is America
Black and Asian,
Hispanic and White,
Russian, Romania, England, Canada
Every color and creed
Is America
Celebrate-That you live in America
Happy Thanksgiving Day

Peace and Love To All Roommates

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bullet-proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight." (<------ Do you still have this bed ally194:-/)

It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!!!!!!

Two aliens landed in the New Mexico desert near a gas station that had been closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger of the two aliens addressed it. "Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader."

The gas pump (of course) didn't respond. The younger alien started to get mad at the lack of response and the older one said, "I wouldn't do that if I were you."

The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated the greeting.

Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, "Greetings Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us in this way! Take us to your leader, or I will fire."

The older alien again warned his comrade, "You don't want to do that. You really don't want to make him mad!"

"Rubbish," replied the younger alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and fired. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared outwards and towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him in a burnt and crumpled mess 200 yards away in a cactus patch.

Thirty Earth minutes later, when he finally regained consciousness, refocused his three eyes and straightened his bent antenna, he looked dazedly up at the wiser one, who was standing over him, slowly shaking his big green head.

"What a ferocious creature," said the young fried one. "It damn near killed us! How did you know it was so dangerous?"

The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler onto his crispy, peeling flesh and shared some knowledge. "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels through the galaxy," said the wise old alien, "When a guy has a pecker he can wrap around himself twice and then stick it in his ear, usually, you don't mess with him."

A policeman was interrogating 3 blondes who were training to become detectives. To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first blonde a picture for 5 second and then hides it.

"This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The first blonde answers, "That's easy, we'll catch him fast because he only has one eye!"

The policeman says, "Well...uh...that's because the picture shows his PROFILE."

Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second blonde and asks her, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

The second blonde giggles, flips her hair and says, "Ha! He'd be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!"

The policeman angrily responds, "What's the matter with you two?? Of course only one eye and one ear are SHOWING because it's a picture of his profile!! Is that the best answer you can come up with?"

Extremely frustrated at this point, he shows the picture to the third blonde and in a very testy voice asks, "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"

He quickly adds "...think hard before giving me a stupid answer."

The blonde looks at the picture intently for a moment and says, "Hmmmm...the suspect wears contact lenses."

The policeman is surprised and speechless because he really doesn't know himself if the suspect wears contacts or not. "Well, that's an interesting answer...wait here for a few minutes while I check his file and I'll get back to you on that."

He leaves the room and goes to his office, checks the suspect's file in his computer, and comes back with a beaming smile on his face. "Wow! I can't believe it...it's TRUE! The suspect does in fact wear contact lenses. Good work! How were you able to make such an astute observation?"

"That's easy," the blonde replied. "He can't wear regular glasses because he only has one eye and one ear."

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http://fairuse.100webcustomers.com/sf/nyt11_20_6_5.htm

Why is Putin so evil?

Never been this blue
Never knew the meaning of a heartache
But then again, I never lost at love before
Somewhere down the road
Maybe all those years will find some meaning
I just can't think about them now
Or live them out anymore

Stand tall, don't you fall
For God's sake don't go and do something foolish
All you're feeling right now is silly human pride
Oooooh, Stand tall, don't you fall
Don't you do something you might regret later
You're feelin' it like everyone, it's silly human pride

Never lasted so long, no,
Through so much or through so many
I just can't believe I could throw it all away
Sometimes late at night
When there's nothing here except my old piano
I'd almost give my hands to make you see my way

Stand tall, don't you fall
For God's sake don't go and do something foolish
All you're feeling right now is silly human pride
You've got me down on my knees for ya mama
Stand tall, don't you fall
Don't you do something you might regret later
You're feelin' it like everyone
It's silly human pride

http://youtube.com/watch?v=cVo2LOncgMc

"Chasing Cars"
by Lightbody, Connolly, Simpson, Quinn, Wilson
published by Big Life Music, Ltd
Performed by Snow Patrol

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i have just finished reading gorty's post"to SOME americans" & i want to thank all the people who responded.i have not had such a good laugh in ages.its not about what was written in the posts but me imagining the faces,emotions & how hard & fast some of you would of been hammering your keyboards :--)) all i can say is,hopefully i get this right",vive la difference!"